Less than a god
More than a man
Nothing I do is right
Try as I can
*
It hurts when I try to feel
I try so hard
My doubts and fears punish me
for trying too hard
too much.
It’s just me
it’s my nature to be let down
kicked.
Spread my wings in glory
and fall
and crunch
and broken
and hurt.
I can taste my own blood.
Sweet
Bitter
Alkaline
*
Is this it?
My final destination?
To die in swampy mud?
In dispair?
Is this my nature?
*
I will kill myself by trying too hard.
Falling too much?
Or is it my nature
to kill ideas
feelings
even myself?
Am I simply
the guardian angel again?
Used and discarded
in grace
out of grace
In love
love taken back.
“I’m scared…
I’m affraid.”
I’m trying so hard…not trying at all.
And still I taint…feelings and company.
A lighter shade of black…sometimes.
I’m alone by choice?
By nature?
I’m affraid.
*
I try and still it’s wrong.
I touch and destroy a little
Hurt a little
Will I be alone again?
Oh, please let me die this time!
Will it last?
I would breath for her.
I’m so affraid
That she doesn’t know
Doesn’t feel
*
I feel so selfish on my own.
If I were with her would it hurt?
If I was alone would it hurt her?
Should I go?
To her?
Would I hurt her?
The frustration that could bring.
The pearls of tears.
The death of forever.
I’m so very affraid
of being without
of being within
of being.
Will it come to pass or will it pass?
I am so very affraid.